This is totally self-involved, but I want to say a quick hello to whoever has been using Google Language Tools to read this blog in Spanish.
Words that are very plain in English sound extraordinary in Spanish — I’m thinking of permanently changing the title here to Días Y Noches Perdidos.
I had an apocalyptic dream about Mount St. Helens last night, and woke up this morning convinced Mother Nature’s getting ready to pull a fast one.
So how’s this for clairvoyance? I predict we’ll all be looking over our shoulders for the big earthquake, and not even see the lava coming. It’s time to start keeping an eye on this little beast.
Some days you just don’t have it in you, but that doesn’t mean you should be forced to suffer the world in silence. Check out these Shhh! Cards — a useful PDF available for download from the Society For HandHeld Hushing.
Placards inscribed with messages like The Rest Of Us Don’t Care manage to convey your snarkiness without requiring too much effort.
The National Security Agency believes “it’s never too early to start thinking about what you want to be when you grow up”. In fact, the friendly guidance councillors at America’s largest espionage agency believe you might even want to start considering your job prospects a few years before you start thinking about your driver’s licence.
That’s why they’ve created the CryptoKids™ — a gang of adolescent cartoon characters on a mission. These funked-out mod-squadders want to let non-animated youth know how they too can prepare for a career in protecting the American way of life (well, just middle-class youth really — poor kids should still plan on joining the army).
The CryptoKids™ include Decipher Dog, an Archie Andrews-like mutt who plays Junior Varsity football and dabbles in cryptanalysis in his spare time — and Crypto Cat, a perky feline who learned Navajo from a babysitter and loves cracking codes when she’s not playing field hockey, hanging out at the mall or spending time with her sister who has Down’s Syndrome (no lie).
The team is rounded out by a saxophone-playing squirrel with an interest in engineering, a physics-nerd rabbit, a computer-whiz turtle and a globetrotting fox who happens to be a budding language analyst. These anthropomorphized little vermin are the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They have iPods and play ultimate frisbee, listen to hip-hop and say “kewl”.
In addition to meticulously detailed bios for all six cuddly spooks, the CryptoKids™ website has tips on making and breaking codes and lots of fun games and puzzles. But remember you’re there to prepare — you’ll find information on NSA-sponsored high school programs, descriptions of jobs at the agency and other training materials in the Student Resources section.
I’d love to meet the secretly subversive agents who developed this concept over a beer. As if crypto-fascist wasn’t the first word association they came up with too.
The love boat has sailed, friends. The sixth annual People’s Prom is already sold out!
This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll spend Valentine’s Day watching Pretty In Pink. Anyone who signs up for a volunteer shift gets in free — and about forty tickets will be at the door if you get to the Grandview Legion early enough. But stay away from the kissing booth, okay? Don’t you know about mono?
Finally, my two favourite things in the whole wide world have become one.
I am thrilled to learn that bubble bath innuendo has partnered with beer-class speed to produce a series of NASCAR-themed Harlequin romance novels.
In The Groove, the first novel in this series, went on sale last week. The book features “a down-on-his-luck NASCAR driver Lance Cooper and ex-kindergarten teacher Sarah Tingle. They meet when his car hits her. She gets a bump on the head. He’s driven to distraction. When he looks at Sarah, Cooper feels like he has been shocked by a loose spark plug wire.”
Do I smell a Booker Prize?
glenn_ewald [at] hotmail.com
